Updated: Jan 27, 2021
First New Moon of 2021 (in Capricorn).
First Temazcal for Malaya.
First Temazcal for me since before I got pregnant.
What an incredible and priceless experience!
I want to start this story by acknowledging how beautiful and healing it was to enter a Temazcal that was purely on donation basis.
Coming the world where everything has a price tag on it, including spirituality and sacred ceremonies, this experience felt so pure to me. How refreshing it was to be able to pray and cleanse with the community without having to pay big money for it.
I can’t express how grateful and happy I am that Malaya’s first Temazcal was offered from the hearts of such incredible and humble people- Maya and Rolando, with pure intentions..
It was so heartwarming to be in a space where people cook together, prepare fire together, sing, pray and learn together.
The only way for me to experience this was to get out of Europe and western money oriented mentality.
I also felt this sense of community it in the Philippines. I felt it in Nepal and Thailand. I felt it in all “developing” countries I visited where I met people who are really interested in growing and healing together.
I am not saying that charging money is always wrong, there are cases where I can totally understand it (indigenous people trying to raise money for their communities, people who travel and need to cover their expenses etc.) but I have also seen a lot of exploitation.
We had a beautiful and deep conversation afterwards about treating spirituality as a business and I will write about it more at some point.
After spending a few beautiful hours in the space and connecting to the land and people, the day transitioned to the night and we were ready to start.
Malaya came with me for the first gate but didn’t last until the end, it was too hot for her so she started to cry and we had to leave. I know she will gradually get used to it as I intend to take her regularly from now on.
Luckily I got to experience feeding her inside the Temazcal. What a beautiful moment!
After we left, we stayed by the fire and she was smiling and laughing the whole time. She could hear the songs. She could feel what’s happening.
I could enter again for the third gate because her wonderful dad offered to take her over 🥰
Once again, I received powerful lessons.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share them publicly but as I’m writing it I decided to express it because even if one person reading it needs to receive these messages then it’s worth sharing.
I was praying to receive the wisdom that would help me to do my best as a mother for Malaya and as a partner for Angelo. Capricorn is about order. I asked ''how do I place myself in our family?''.
When we finished the gate, the singing stopped and I heard Malaya crying. My first impulse was to get out and attend to her immediately. I tried to get up but something stopped me. I decided to pay attention and listen. Why am I being stopped?
The message arrived...
Malaya was there with her dad. Her father, who it fully capable of taking care of her.
I knew she wasn’t hungry because I fed her just before. So why did I feel the need to go there? Why did I feel like I should “rescue” him from this situation?
He doesn’t need to be rescued.
I don't need to rescue anybody.
What I want to offer instead is trust.
I know it. I felt it from the beginning.
Why are we trying to raise our men?
It’s not about raising them, it’s about raising WITH them. Together.
What message do we send them?
What message do we want to send our sons daughters?
I know I carry patterns I am ready to change.
I’m ready to return to trust again. Again and again... Because no matter how many times we drift away we can always go back.
Then another process emerged. I thought I should get back to Malaya so Angelo can come in for the last gate. Again, an internal battle took place... In or out, me or him... Am I selfish? Here is the conclusion I came to: a whole human being grew inside of my body. I gave birth. I’m breastfeeding. My body went through so many changes! It was my first Temazcal since before pregnancy and I really needed it.
At this moment, I needed it more than he did.
So I stayed.
Because the better I feel the more I’ll be able to give to my family.
Because if I take care of myself well I’ll be able to take care of them.
If I am being nourished I’ll be able to nourish them.
I have witnessed many women throughout my life always put themselves last and I see damages it creates within families. I don’t intend to keep repeating the same patterns.
When I shared my process with Angelo we realised that we asked for the same thing. Being outside of Temazcal with Malaya, he was still receiving messages and lessons.
I loved watching him taking care of Malaya.
I loved watching him helping to take care of the fire.
I felt my love and trust for him growing and strengthening even more.
I was amazed by Maya, who was leading the Temazcal. I felt her voice deep inside of my body, in my bones, in my nerves. What a powerful woman!
I was also amazed by her partner Rolando, the way he was taking care of the fire, his humbleness and peaceful presence.
Being around them inspired us so much. We felt at peace. We felt at home.
I am in deep gratitude and appreciation of the wonderful gifts they share and the medicine they carry. I want Malaya to be growing up around this kind of people.