I am the Hero I was looking for
Updated: Dec 15, 2022
Do you know what we all watch and read as little girls? Stories about beautiful princesses saved by a prince. That's all they need- a hero that appears and saves them. A man who can liberate them from their suffering, their karma, their difficulties.
How much impact it can possibly have on our collective psyche?
I will reveal a little bit about my life as I feel the urge to write about this process.
I left home right after turning 19 and travelled to London with an intention to build my life there.
I struggled immensely for the first few years due to my unstable financial situation as well as my alcohol addiction. My lack of resources put me in a very vulnerable position and I almost lost my life and freedom a few times. When you are vulnerable, predators can always tell and they will try their best to use you for their advantage.
Imagine a 19 year old girl, who just arrived in London from a tiny town in Poland. I had 300 pounds in my pocket and absolutely no connections. It is a recipe for a disaster. It's like you are walking around with a sign on your forehead saying: ''vulnerable''.
Day 1 in London: the landlord whom I rented a room from tried to rape me, which resulted of me escaping from the flat at night and being alone, scared and confused on the street with nowhere to go. That's how my London adventure begun... For the first few years I was swimming in a sea of drama, dangerous situations, addiction and hopelessness.
I always dreamed that a hero would appear and liberate me from my struggle. I wanted a man to take care of me. I was imagining a man who will provide safety and financial security for me as I was struggling to do it for myself despite a lot of efforts. Or at least that's what I thought I wanted... But it never happened. I ended up in relationships where men could barely take care of themselves so I usually was taking care of them and myself.
The hero never appeared to save me...
but eventually I saved myself.
I finally ''made it'' and became very successful and abundant financially. I worked for myself doing what I loved (massage), I stopped drinking, I entered the path of healing and dealing with all the trauma I accumulated during my teenage and adult years.
There was no man who did it for me, I did it all by myself.
I can tell with full confidence now that I am grateful for everything that happened because it helped me to create depth in my being. I can really connect to compassion because I know how it is like to live in hell. I forgave the people who used, abused and violated me and I forgave myself for holding so much hate for them in my heart for so long. It gave me confidence and belief in myself and my abilities.
Fast forward to 2022 and here I am, a 31 years old woman, a mother. A woman who has proven everyone that she is fully capable of taking care of herself.
Yet this woman was still longing for the hero to save her. ''I can make money now but why should I? Where's the prince who's going to take care of me? Why am I the sole provider for my whole family? A man should be doing it. My man is the one who should be taking care of me, why isn't he providing for us? I am a mother now, I want to focus on being a mother not on how to make money.''
I can't tell you how many times these thoughts were running through my head.
This expectation was weighing me down a lot and clouding my overall judgement of my relationship. It was a dark cloud above our heads for so long.
Finally, the moment of clarity came. Finally there was a light illuminating this dark space.
Why do I actually have this belief? Does it serve me?
During my Mayan calendar reading (more about it HERE) I was told that in relationship to men my energy is very independent. I actually do not need a man to take care of me...
And the truth is I never did because no man ever in my life took on this role despite me dreaming about it for so long.
When I heard these words they made so much sense to me that I immediately saw this belief of needing to be saved surfacing and being washed away right in the moment. It was so true that I could not deny it.
The dark cloud was blown away and I saw a different picture of my relationship and myself.
These are the statements I can make at this moment.
I love being able to take care of myself and my family. Every time I am making money I feel really satisfied and content.
I feel amazing being rewarded for my work and appreciated for what I do.
I love my work, I love massaging and every time after I give a massage I feel fulfilled knowing I provided an exceptional service.
I love being in service.
I have a potential to create a sustainable and comfortable life for myself and those around me.
I am able to create offerings that can bring a passive income and be of value for those who purchase what I offer.
I love learning new things and wearing different hats. Other than being a massage therapist/ bodyworker and innerdance facilitator I learned how to create my own website, how to edit my videos, I am creating my online massage course, I am a mother, I am a lover, I am a friend, I created a women circle, I created a lot of valuable connections with people in my life.
I am so abundant the energy of lack and scarcity just can't hold itself anymore...
WOW, just wow, how empowering it is to feel this way?!
I could not feel all this before because I was too worried about thinking why my prince is not saving me. Saving me from what? From achieving all the things that give me satisfaction and contentment?
I started to see more clearly all the offerings my man brings into my life.
He brings a lot of magic. He is an incredible magician and visionary who never fails to amaze me and surprise me.
He knows how to be in the ritual space. He remembers a lot. He connects deeply.
He is sensitive and feels the energy.
He brings art, a really deep and beautiful art- paintings, drawings, poetry, music...
He brings wisdom. I can always ask for his guidance and he helps me to understand many things.
He is an excellent listener and he can hold the space really well.
He is an exceptional cook. I get to eat homemade sourdough bread, I get to eat all sort of cuisines from around the world because everything he makes is absolutely delicious.
He is a great father to Malaya and loves her deeply. He gives her a lot and nobody can make her laugh like he does.
He co created Malaya !!! The biggest gift!
He is beautiful and sexy and he smells great.
I love being in his presence and I love sharing my life with him.
I am so grateful to be able to see him more clearly.
He definitely has a huge potential to make money as he creates an incredible art. His art has not yet made its way ''out there'' to the world but whenever he is ready I am sure he will be rewarded very well for sharing his gifts. But even if he doesn't, I am now able to accept it. He brings so much into my life that I can peacefully let go of this expectation of him being the hero who must ''save'' me. Now I can fully enjoy what we have.
I feel such a relief after dropping this expectation.
I have no resistance now to finish my online course and start offering all my gifts because I am no longer waiting for my hero to take on this role.
I feel like I still can't fully see how huge this is and how it affects everything but I can sense now that it was such an important realisation that opened me to see new possibilities and appreciate what I have.
I am no longer a victim who is waiting to be saved.
I am an empowered woman, fully owning her life.
Ready to share and receive abundance.
