Breaking the cycle

What happens when a woman doesn’t value herself?

Let me tell you a story of a woman who didn’t know her worth.

She met a man and they connected.

He didn’t have anything. No job, no money, no assets. He was living a parasitic lifestyle, always taking from others. He was a very intelligent parasite though, he had many explanations of why he lives this way and he had a great ability to make others feel sorry for him.

Because the woman didn’t have enough protection due to lack of self worth, she was vulnerable and open for the parasite to enter.

She was also in a moment of her life where the maternal instinct was very strong.

And he was there at the right time. He made an assessment- he knew that she’s capable financially, she knows how to make money. He saw that she loves nurturing and taking care of others. She was a perfect host.

Providing a child for her meant that he will secure his position and he will be able to continue his existence feeding off her.

So that’s what happened. His life was good- he started to travel and many doors opened for him. He didn’t have to worry about anything. Despite her being pregnant, she was still the one providing a great life for them both. She often cried as she didn’t feel supported during pregnancy but she was hopeful. She knew that she’s strong and she can manage.

When the baby was born, he saw it. The power of receiving a new life into his hands definitely shook him. Despite still not providing, he was supportive in other ways for some months- taking care of the house while she was taking care of the baby.

But this energy didn’t last and he started to get less and less involved. He was always busy “working” but he didn’t make a penny ever since they met. His “work” was an excuse to be in his own world, away from the responsibilities. Everything he was doing was always super important. Everything he needed and wanted was always his priority.

She was a new mother, away from her family and friends. It was hard but she had support from other women. She deeply connected with the family that they lived with, she called in a woman circle and she was surrounded by wonderful, strong women that were keeping her away from sinking into depression and anxiety.

The less he was doing, the more she was taking on. She was even taking care of her child every time while being sick as he still wasn’t willing to take responsibility. During her miscarriage he was talking to her about another one of his business ideas that will never come to life. She was passing the foetus that clearly realised that this is not a right environment to come to, shocked and numb from the complete lack of the emotional support. Countless arguments and begging him to step up and help never worked. He never assumed the role of a father and a partner. She always foolishly waited for it. She always supported him, encouraged him, cheered him up. She was always there while carrying the weight of life  without his help.

He put her through a lot of emotional distress over the years but she was resistant. She had a lot of tools to regulate herself and she had a strong sense of responsibility.

She really wanted her child to have a father so she was sacrificing herself to make it possible.

When they finally separated and he went to live in another house close by, things started to get better for her and she felt alive again. She felt like herself. But he started coming back to eat. She opened her house once again. He was consuming everything he could lie his hands on while still not offering any help with his child.

She had to hire a (wonderful) nanny so she could work while he didn’t offer any time to take care of his daughter despite not working.

Still, she was feeding him, she was feeling compassion for him. She wanted him to get his life sorted and step up. She hasn’t learned yet that it won’t happen.

One day, her daughter got sick-  vomiting very heavily and became worryingly weak. She was trying to call him but she couldn’t reach him. She called a friend who took her to a clinic. The daughter was severely dehydrated from vomiting and was advised to be hospitalised due to her state. She came back home and with a help of a friend they managed to slowly hydrate her enough to avoid the hospital. The woman was worrying so much about her baby. She couldn’t reach her baby’s dad, he stopped responding to his phone and she didn’t see him for two days. He often disappeared for some days to spend time with people as he knew that the mum was always responsible for the child. The day after, when her daughter was feeling better she went to look for him. She was worried that perhaps something happened to him. He always used to come to eat but he didn’t show up for a while and she didn’t know why.

She went to his house and it turned out he was just there the whole time while his daughter was suffering and calling for him. He was too busy being with another woman to check if his child is ok. So as always, the mother had to go through it all without him.

He never paid a penny towards his child, he never offered to take care of her and he was continuously disrespecting the mother of his child, manipulating her and taking advantage of her.

Why did it all happen?

Because the woman didn’t know her worth. She knew she didn’t deserve to be treated this way but she was choosing to allow it over and over again.

Until one day she realised that she’s no longer willing to continue this cycle. She doesn’t want her daughter to grow up seeing her mother being treated this way. She didn’t want her daughter to grow up with a father who shows up only when he wants something. Who refuses to give her presence and attention she deserves.

So she decided to stop it. She decided it’s time to empower herself, step out of the toxic environment and create a healthy life and better conditions for her child.

She’s emerging now as a woman who knows her worth. He mistreated her for so long that she had to finally see her power and see herself for who she is. She had to expel the parasite. She’s ready to take measures to build a strong protection for herself and to continue building a strong foundation for the  future.

May this story serve every person who accepts mistreatment from another.

It does not get better with time.

Love yourself.

Don’t let yourself be treated in a way that you wouldn’t want your loved ones to be treated.